Alternate uses for a pool table

This just came in,
from a curiously curious reader
with the screen name "Kathleen":
"have you ever slept on your pool table or
eaten jed clampet style around it?
enquiring mind wants to know."

Let's take the easy one:
No eating near, and definitely not ON the table.
No way. Period.

Now about sleeping on the table?
First, that's just weird.
And second...
after I got thinking about it,
it wasn't so weird any more,
but I figured I would rather sleep under it.
I can not imagine a harder sleeping surface
than a pool table.
Count me out.

That got me wondering what Other uses
could be found for a pool table
and then I remembered this neat photo:



(I am not above using repetition, for the fun of it.)



Insert here a long pause,
while I search for the courage to go on.
I guess this had to come out sooner or later.

Meet Susie's feet.

It was summer, 2007,
and it was her last night on this continent.
In the morning she would be
on the way to freakin' Samoa.
You can't go farther away than Samoa.

Great friend, Susie.
Her feet were looking fine that night.
(I am fond of the forms of female feet and footwear.)
(aka "foot fetish" in other zip codes)

Imagine: a pool addict with a foot fetish.
It's sad.

The red of her newly pedicured toe nail polish
would go great with the tournament green Simonis 860
on my Gold Crown IV...

Another Kodak moment!

So now I'm standing on the pool table,
shooting down at Susie's feet,
thinking I am a sick and disgusting pervert.
But not really, because it's legal, isn't it?
Am I talking too much here?

And then I think we're gonna die,
the floor will not hold all this weight.

It's madness...
Too much information?
Or not enough?
You be the judge.
That's what the "Comment" feature is for...

Ok, back to Kathleen's question.
Next, purely in the spirit of research,
I did climb up on the table,
and lay down on it,
and, as expected,
I did not find it sleep-able.
As I think back on that experience,
I didn't spend much time trying
to get used to it,
didn't even use the "cushions" to find comfort,
I just wanted to get offa there.

However, a curious thing did occur
when I was getting on and off the table,
right at the point where one leg is up on the table
and one foot on the floor.
In that stance/resting position,
almost a gravity free zone,
I noticed I had a perfect view
of a cloudless night sky,
a moonlit Pacific ocean,
with a large ocean liner on the horizon.

Only in that position
were all other light-pollution sources blocked out
and only in that position
was the scene perfectly framed.

So, thank you Kathleen for your enquiry.
Were it not for your strange curiosity,
I would not have enjoyed that view.

As for the alternate uses for a pool table?
Not for eating. Not for sleeping.
But it's a great backdrop for some pretty feet,
which right now are playing on a sandy Samoan beach.

I feel certain we have not explored
all of the potential uses for a pool table...

But for now, and for me, it's
back to the practice table.

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