Girls before Pool?

I was looking forward to some advanced straight pool tonight. By advanced I mean that my opponent is an excellent player, and it would take a performance on my part that would stretch my skills. I like that. It's not every day that I get to shoot pool with somebody as good as he is.

Notice how I am not using the name of this person? This is because it is in the Code of the Brotherhood that men, brothers, do not name unless absolutely necessary for self preservation, which in this case it is not. Now back to the story about Girls or Pool.

Then comes the email... (I paraphrase) He forgot that he had a date with a girl, so do I mind if he goes on his date instead of pool?

WTF?

Do Girls rank higher than Pool?

Well, yes.

It is the Code of All Mankind.

The Universal Truth.

The Unspoken Law.

It has been said, many times, mostly by women, that "men are dogs". This is meant to imply that, by definition, a man would as soon have sex than any other activity, and that there is no civilized thought given to who, what, where, when, or why. If dogs have sex on the front lawn, at noon, then a man would do that as well. It's a fact. (need proof? see this story about a guy having sex with lawn furniture during daylight hours) If a dog would have sex with a human leg, then surely a man would have sex with a dog's leg, if that was the best he could get at the moment. I have no link to support that assertion, but it is simply to illustrate that there is no known line which a dog will not cross. So, when it comes to the hierarchy of Girls or Pool, it's the ladies that win every time. Because men are dogs.

When a guy says to another guy Let's shoot some pool on Wednesday night, at 7, it is an Agreement, bound by the rule of law, but that law has many loopholes, such as "except in the case of an Act of God" which usually means such things as tornado, hurricane, flood, locusts, pestilence, etc. Nowhere in the Law of Agreements is the sex loophole mentioned. However, it is understood the world over to be the Great Unwritten Rule.

We don't want to actually write this rule down, for it could be our great undoing. That is why it is Unwritten.

When we look at the world according to the Great Unwritten Rule, we can see why they have separate tournaments for men and women. You must use your imagination here because there is no reason for me to get lurid or specific. Let your own fantasies be your guide...

These facts are not being debated. However there is a more subtle consideration for your intellectual amusement: why do we assume that it is Girls OR Pool? Why is it a choice of one OR the other? Why not BOTH? This is the mark of a thinking man! So the email would read: "Luck happens. Pool starts 2 hours late."

This is The Code of the Brotherhood. Anything less and you are a dog. The Brotherhood of Pool Players recognizes that for man to be more than an animal, there must be rules, just as there are rules for pool, there must be rules for Life. One of those rules for pool players is that you get only a couple of hours to delay a non-tournament match-up in favor of indiscriminate sex.

To completely cancel Pool for a Girl is to be put on notice for expulsion from the Brotherhood.

The wise choice is Girl AND Pool. Put things into perspective! Think about it and you will see that it is a Choice, and that we can do Anything, all we have to do is to Do it. This is the Code of the Brotherhood. In the argot of the day, it is simply "Man up!"

It is the Code of the Brotherhood which separates Man from dog. It is the ascent of Man, the evolution of a more perfect, thinking being.

Girl AND Pool.

Duh.

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